Supporting Neurodivergent Students: Tips for Tutors and Parents
By: Amanda Burke, Academic Coach
Neurodivergent individuals offer distinctive strengths and perspectives to our community and deserve equity, access, and environments that affirm and support their unique ways of navigating the world.
Remember: It’s a team effort, and your student is in the driver’s seat
Supporting neurodivergent learners with their educational journey is a team effort. Communication between all involved parties – student, tutor, coach, family, and other support people – ensures that your student’s needs are more likely to be met in and outside the classroom. Tutors, caregivers, and parents will ideally share insights with each other, making adjustments along the way and keeping their student at the center of every decision.
Your student can experience learning in a way that recognizes and respects their strengths, challenges, and perspectives. When a student’s whole team works together to foster autonomy and agency and encourage curiosity, we help that student discover that their differences are powerful and valued.
What’s the Difference between Neurodiversity and Neurodivergence?
Neurodiversity, a term coined by Judy Singer in the late 1990s, “refers to the virtually infinite neuro-cognitive variability within Earth’s human population. It points to the fact that every human has a unique nervous system with a unique combination of abilities and needs” (Singer). In 2000, multiply neurodivergent (identifying with more than one type of neurodivergence) activist Kassiane Asasumasu built on this concept, using "neurodivergent" as a way to refer to anyone whose development or brain function (whether innate or acquired) diverges from dominant societal norms and expectations (Asasumasu). This nuanced understanding recognizes that neurodivergence encompasses a broad spectrum, from autism, ADHD, and dyslexia to processing differences, dyscalculia, CPTSD, schizophrenia, dissociative identity disorder, sensory processing disorder, and OCD.
Image description: Infographic from Sonny-Jane Wise: A purple umbrella labeled “Neurodivergent umbrella*”. Underneath, in different colors, are the words: ASPD, ADHD, BPD, NPD, DID & OSDD, HSP, Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, Sensory Processing, Dyscalculia, PTSD, Dysgraphia, Bipolar, Autism, Epilepsy, OCD, GAD, AB / TBI, TIC Disorders, Schizophrenia, Misophonia, HPD, Down Syndromes, FASD, Synetheisa. *Non exhaustive list.
While “neurodivergent” describes individuals, neurodiversity refers to the range of differences in human brain function and behavioral traits. Embracing neurodiversity as a natural part of human variation, not a deficit, allows us to create environments where all students, including neurodivergent students, have the tools they need to feel empowered and to thrive as they pursue their own goals. For example, research on developmental dyslexia (DD) suggests that people with DD may have enhanced abilities in explorative thinking, creativity, discovery, and innovation (Taylor et. al). By moving away from the pathology paradigm and reframing DD as a specialization in explorative cognitive search, we gain a clearer view of how neurodivergent students, with a strong foundation of support and individualized learning plans, can flourish.
Image description: This image, by Sonny-Jane Wise, illustrates the difference between the concepts of neurodivergence and neurodiversity by showing a group of colorful human-shaped icons that represent different neurological and mental variations. In the top row, six icons are displayed in various colors, each labeled with a specific type of neurodivergence: yellow for "Autistic," orange for "Stutterer," green for "Bipolar," blue for "ADHD," purple for "Voice Hearer," and pink for "BPD" (Borderline Personality Disorder). Below these icons, a bold statement reads, "This group is neurodiverse," with smaller text underneath explaining, "because there is a variety of brains or styles of functioning." In the bottom row, the same neurodivergent types are displayed along with an additional white icon labeled "Neurotypical" in the center. This image emphasizes that neurodiversity encompasses both neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals.
Nurturing a Supportive Learning Space for Neurodivergent Students
Parents, caregivers, tutors, and other members of a neurodivergent student’s support team and community play a role in nurturing this foundation. Here are some practical and impactful ways to provide affirming support for neurodivergent learners:
1. Treat neurodivergent students as whole, autonomous individuals
Recognize your student’s unique perspectives, needs, and ways of being in the world, and treat those perspectives as valid and important as yours. It’s important for caregivers to understand that their loved one’s experiences, thoughts, and reactions may differ from what they expect, and that those differences are valid and shouldn’t be shamed or dismissed.
2. Communicate openly, listen actively, and show patience
It’s important for any adult supporting a neurodivergent teen or child to communicate openly and listen actively, just as we would do with anyone we care about. Patience and empathy are core to helping your neurodivergent student feel heard and understood, especially given that so many neurodivergent children have experienced shame or judgment for simply existing as they are.
3. Respect their communication style
Remember that your neurodivergent kid may communicate differently than you, and that doesn’t make their communication style wrong. For example, sometimes our bluntness, honesty, tone, or silence is mistaken as disrespect, or our eagerness to infodump is seen as rude rather than a desire to connect. Keep an open mind and seek clarification if you have questions about the way your neurodivergent loved one is communicating with you.
4. Adapt to their communication preferences
Keep in mind that neurodivergent folks are constantly having to adapt to neurotypical communication standards; it can be a meaningful act of respect and care to make an effort to learn and work with your child’s communication style and preferences – because no form of communication is more valid than another. For example, a tutor might make sure their student has multiple avenues of communication, such as typing in a chat, drawing pictures, using an AAC device, or using body language or gestures. A parent or caregiver might also follow and adapt to the pace/speed set by their neurodivergent child.
5. Create a sensory-friendly space
Many neurodivergent people experience heightened or diminished sensory sensitivities. For some, bright lights, loud noises, or certain textures might feel overwhelming, while others might seek out intense sensory stimulation. Create a supportive space by offering sensory tools, such as noise-canceling headphones, dimmed lighting, fidget toys, and background music. Each person is different; ask your loved one what helps them feel safe and comfortable.
6. Don’t criticize or attempt to change their communication style
Avoid attempting to change, “fix”, or criticize your neurodivergent kid’s natural communication style. For individuals with tic disorders or who stutter, don’t interrupt or attempt to “help” or “correct” their speech differences, and for Autistic kids, don’t force eye contact. Instead, focus on what they’re saying rather than how they’re saying it.
7. Check for mutual understanding
This might look like, for example, asking each other to briefly summarize what the other just said in their own words and giving them space to respond without pressure. If your child doesn’t recall certain details or conversations, don’t press or assume they’re being evasive. Simply provide context or move forward.
8. Explore different learning formats
Explore a variety of learning formats, like visual aids, tactile activities, interactive exercises, and verbal explanations, and see which your kid prefers.
9. Validate and show genuine interest in your kid’s special interests and hyperfixations
Participate in their interests with them; ask questions about them. If they prefer to enjoy certain activities independently or in specific ways, respect it!
10. Educate yourself and respect their identity
Educate yourself about your loved one’s neurodivergent identity by learning from them and other people who belong to that group. There is a wealth of information online. Recognize that not every neurodivergent person is the same. Approach relationships without judgments or assumptions about their identity or personal experiences.
11. Understand intersectionality
Learn about intersectionality—the way different aspects of a person's identity, such as race, gender, disability, and sexuality, intersect and impact their experiences. A Black agender teen with Tourette syndrome, for instance, will face different challenges than a white cisgender boy with ADHD, even though both are neurodivergent.
12. Support their autonomy and self-advocacy
While it’s good to advocate for and stand up for our loved ones, don’t speak for them. Ask them what their goals are and how you can best support them. If you hold privilege in areas your neurodivergent loved one does not, use that privilege to seek or create opportunities for your loved one and other people like them to voice their experiences and hold their own positions of influence.
13. Encourage independence and community connection
Encourage them to lean on and seek out multiple forms of support outside of their parent or caregiver (their community, their peers, their teacher, their tutor, their inner wisdom, their strengths, their ability to self-advocate, etc). Community is powerful. As a parent or adult caregiver, facilitate opportunities for your child to build friendships and connections with others who accept and value them for who they are, including other neurodivergent folks.
14. Push back against “deficit models”
Reject deficit models that view neurodivergence as inherently deficient or impaired relative to a neurotypical standard – including more stigmatized forms of neurodivergence, such as schizophrenia, bipolar, Down syndrome, and dissociative identity disorder.
15. Respect boundaries and differences
Don’t push your loved one’s boundaries; respect that they know themselves and their needs best. Encourage your loved one to make choices that align with their true selves, even if those choices differ from societal norms or your own expectations.
16. Acknowledge and validate your kid’s emotions and experiences
Even if you can’t fully understand their perspective, affirm that their feelings are real and important.
17. Embrace them as they are
A simple but important one: embrace them as they are – their communication style, interests, needs, routines, struggles, and strengths – rather than attempt to make them behave “more neurotypical”.
Works Cited
Asasumasu, Kassiane. "PSA from the Actual Coiner of Neurodivergent." Sherlock's Flat Affect, Tumblr, 13 May 2015, https://sherlocksflataffect.tumblr.com/post/121295972384/psa-from-the-actual-coiner-of-neurodivergent.
"Neurodivergent, Neurotypical and Neurodiverse Explained." YouTube, uploaded by Foundations for Divergent Minds, 13 May 2015, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0BP5nbgdu4.
Singer, Judy. Neurodiversity: Definition and Discussion, Reflections on the Neurodiversity Paradigm. https://neurodiversity2.blogspot.com/p/what.html
Taylor, Mark J., et al. "The Explorative Cognitive Bias in Developmental Dyslexia: Evidence for a Search Specialization in Human Cognitive Evolution." Frontiers in Psychology, vol. 13, 2022, https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.889245.
Wise, Sonny-Jane. Lived Experience Educator. Website, https://www.livedexperienceeducator.com.
Wise, Sonny-Jane. Neurodivergent vs. Neurodiverse Graphic. Instagram, 11 Mar. 2023, www.instagram.com/p/C9lQsl8SBD6/?hl=en.
Wise, Sonny-Jane. Neurodivergent Umbrella Graphic. Instagram, 20 Feb. 2023, www.instagram.com/p/Co29RLrhgWT/?hl=en.
